Or did it start earlier than that, when GooseEgg gave her number to BarBoy that night when she was generally acting really obnoxious and hitting on everyone?

Yeah, that’s when it really started. Anyway, she has been hanging out with this guy occasionally, and while she swears that they are just friends, I have my doubts!

The other night, or to be more accurate, the morning of the day after, BarBoy called GooseEgg up on the phone and asked her to meet him for some food at what she described as “a diner somewhere” and I really need to ask her if it was Starseeds, because it seems like it would be. It is not weird that he calls her at two am, because he works at a bar and she sleeps at odd hours.

We got most of the story in the kitchen that evening because we teased her about her date and she launched into a long explanation of the date so that she could prove to us that it was not, in fact, a date.

The really frustrating part of all this is that GooseEgg had filled me in on everything earlier in the day, and at that time she had let me in on some details that would have weighed heavily in support of our contention that it had, in fact, been a date. She had sworn me to secrecy however, so even here I don’t feel comfortable divulging said details, but trust me, this is dating stuff, not “just friends” stuff. BarBoy seems to genuinely like her and to be a fun, playful guy who is probably really good for her.

On the other hand, GooseEgg is never an accurate source of information, so it could be that I know nothing at all about what really happened or what he is like.

So, she said that he called, and being GooseEgg, she threw in every meaningless detail about what she was watching, wearing and thinking when this happened. Somewhere in there she actually mentioned a relevant fact:

“So I took a shower-”

“A-HA!” we all shouted in unison.

It was our contention that the shower proved that she was getting ready to go out versus just leaving in her comfortable clothes, thus indicating that the nature of the encounter was indeed that of “date”.

“No,” she protested “It was just because I was going to wear shorts because it was hot out-”

Here I interrupted:

“If you are going to say that you were going to shave your legs, then don’t even bother trying to deny the dateness of your date you big ol’ liar!” As GooseEgg continued to protest, I kept going, “the only reason that you would shave your legs before going to meet somebody is that there was at least the possibility that that somebody might be feeling the legs. Bam Chicka Whomp Whomp” I said, raising my arms and shaking my hips in the GooseEgg-Got-It-On Hula.

“No, because-”

Hearing her favorite opening line, I interrupted again. I didn’t want to hear another meaningless ramble that would relate nothing that was at all relevant to the discussion. “Even if it didn’t turn out to be a date, which by the way it totally did and you know it, you were at least considering the possibility that it would be a date or you wouldn’t have shaved your legs. At the very minimum,” I continued, despite her many attempts to get a word in, “I think that showering and shaving your legs means that you were not fully ruling out the possibility of a little of that BarBoy action, so at that point, it was at least potentially a date even if you wouldn’t find out for sure until you went out.”

This is where Boyfriend made the crack about quantum uncertainty that I mentioned on Friday and I responded that it was Schrodinger’s date.

But wait, there’s more.

Saturday we were sitting around and teasing GooseEgg, which is really the only way to amuse yourself when she’s there. The subject of that night’s teasing was, of course, her date-that-was-not-a-date-but-which-totally-was (if only I could tell you!), and we asked her if she was going to tap that BarBoy ass at which point she went into typical GooseEgg spin mode going on and on about how they were just friends and that they wouldn’t see each other that night anyway because he had to work. We didn’t see that as any objection seeing as how they had hung out the other night after he got off of work, and besides –

“Doesn’t he work in a bar?” asked Boyfriend “You could go flirt with him at work. Isn’t that how you met him anyway?”

Here followed a long speech about how she wasn’t going to go do that because they were just friends and anyway she wouldn’t go out to the bar by herself because she wouldn’t be able to drive home because she’d get wasted and blah blah blah she would never ever do that blah blah blah.

Jump ahead to yesterday evening.

I slept late yesterday due to a little wine-drinking with the ever-lovely witty and charming Pura-Vida, so rather than attending yoga from 9-12 as I had planned, I waited and went in at three. I mention this because it means that by the time I stumbled downstairs at 11:30, GooseEgg was already back and in her room and I had no idea that she had been gone.

But she had been gone.

Because despite everything that she said, she decided that she was bored and headed to Club DeVille to hang out with BarBoy. Well actually she said that she just decided to “go people-watching”, but I think I speak for us all when I say “whatever”. In any case, she headed over to Club DeVille around midnight.

But that’s not where she was all night.

Pay attention kids, because here is where it gets really good.

So, she’s hanging out and having a couple of drinks, people watching, and in no way flirting with her in-no-way-boyfriend, when this wedding party came in and started buying her drinks.

Or at least that’s how she tells it. Who the fuck knows what really happened.

One member of the wedding party was “this British bloke” she said, because GooseEgg is unable to identify anyone of the male gender and British persuasion without calling him a “bloke”. It’s a rather annoying habit if you want my opinion, and of course you do, or why would you be here? She told us that he works for some gaming company that made “The Wolverine Game” if that even exists, and that because of this, he has met both Patrick Stewart and Hugh Jackman. At first we told her that we thought he was just spinning her a line. After some thought however, we decided that knowing GooseEgg, it was quite possible that the guy never even claimed to know these people. It was probably something more along the lines of a drunken GooseEgg telling him that she was obsessed with Hugh and that she has all these Wolverine posters on her wall (seriously, she does. She is emotionally like 11 years old and her room reflects it.), and then demanding to know if he knew Hugh Jackman from working on the game. He probably said, um, no, and then she heard it as “yes, and I have met Patrick Stewart also”

When reconstructing events from GooseEgg’s descriptions, one can assume that most of the words she mentions were actually involved in the conversation somehow, but the order of the words and the context in which they actually appeared? These things are anyone’s guess. As I have mentioned before, she is a really inaccurate source of information.

However, what is not up for debate is that she left her non-boyfriend to go to the hotel with the British guy.

You know, now that I think of it, maybe he wasn’t even British and she is just confused.

Who the hell knows?

She spent the night in the hotel and then someone took her to her car in the morning and she came home around 11.

I have no idea why you all find the GooseEgg stories so fascinating, but apparently you do since I get a lot of requests for more GooseEgg stories. I promise you, in real life she is really really boring. Terminally uninteresting. It must be my fabulous writing skills no?

In other news, Kitty has decided that I must be paying attention to her at all times and if I take my eyes off of her she immediately starts doing things to get my attention back. Sometimes this is really cute, sometimes it is really annoying. Also, Boyfriend has become addicted to online quizzes, the moon was really pretty this morning, and the stromboli I made last night was fabulous.

That is all.